I grew up in the 90s, spent my childhood as an anxious kid who was constantly unfocused at school (undiagnosed ADHD) and too timid for the normal standard. I remember teachers shouting at me – “Wake up, take part in the discussion, make friends…” – like they thought I was doing it on purpose to not engage. They called me lazy and stupid, occasionally hit me on both hands to stop the stimming and inflicted cruel punishments like making me stare at the wall for entire lessons.
I was always a tomboy but during my puberty I experienced deep gender dysphoria which caused a whole new kind of anxiety, panic attacks and social isolation. Post-puberty I grew out of the gender dysphoria, reconnected to my femininity and realised I was bisexual. This was a very confusing concept at that time for my young, uneducated mind.
Then, at 17, came depression, a whole year that disrupted my educational path. At no point did any teacher or doctor offer a nice word or help. I was just weird and unwilling to change for the better, that’s what I and my parents were told. I can’t blame them for not getting me a diagnosis, but I surely can for being unkind, abusive and dismissive. My self-worth never recovered, but it got much better since I got my diagnosis at 27.
Suddenly, everything made sense, and I was able to move on with a little bit more confidence.
I share this hoping that no child on the spectrum will ever have to go through their formative years without a diagnosis and the support they need and deserve to understand themselves, make friends, and be able to form healthy relationships throughout their lives. To not fall behind.
